For the past six years, I’ve worked hard to blend my family with my wife Amanda (42F). I have two kids from my previous marriage, Liam (17M) and Sage (15F), who I’ve seen every other weekend and on Wednesdays due to a court arrangement. Amanda and I also share two daughters, Becca (4F) and Eliza (2F). But now, after a recent turn of events, my marriage feels like it’s on the edge of collapse.
A few weeks ago, Liam and Sage asked to live with me full-time. Issues with their stepdad had reached a boiling point, and even their mother agreed it would be best for them to move in with me. I knew Amanda wouldn’t be thrilled she’s admitted she feels uncomfortable around my older kids, though she didn’t reveal this until after we had our first child together.
Despite the tension, I welcomed Liam and Sage into our home. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I never expected Amanda’s reaction to be this hostile. She’s been nitpicking everything my older kids do, almost as if she’s looking for reasons to send them back to their mom.
The holidays only made things worse. Amanda went out of her way to exclude Liam and Sage from traditions, creating an uncomfortable and divided atmosphere.
The breaking point came yesterday morning. Becca, who’s going through a biting phase, bit Sage while they were in the den. In reflex, Sage accidentally slapped her. Sage immediately apologized and was visibly upset, showing us the bite mark as proof.
I could see it was a genuine accident, but Amanda exploded, yelling at Liam and Sage to leave the house.
I tried to de-escalate, explaining that Becca’s biting is an ongoing issue and Sage didn’t mean to hurt her. But Amanda wouldn’t let it go. She packed up our daughters and took them to her mother’s house, refusing to return until Liam and Sage were gone permanently. She even threatened to call the police, claiming she didn’t feel safe with Sage in the house.
That’s when I hit my limit. I told Amanda this is Liam and Sage’s home too, and if she couldn’t handle that, she was free to leave. My parents think I went too far with that comment, but I don’t see another way forward. My older kids deserve a safe and supportive environment, and I won’t abandon them for anyone even my wife.
Amanda is coming back tomorrow, still insisting my older kids need to go. But at this point, I feel like I’ve already made my decision. I won’t let her push them out of my life. Am I wrong for drawing a line in the sand?
