I read a story on Reddit about a new mom who’s struggling with her mother-in-law’s (MIL) overbearing and insensitive behavior, which has been a long-standing issue but reached a peak after the birth of her second child. She feels like her MIL treats her as an incubator for her grandchildren and dismisses her as a person.
The MIL has a history of disregarding boundaries, spoiling the grandkids against the couple’s wishes, and excusing it by saying she’s just being a good grandmother. During the woman’s recent pregnancy, the MIL never asked how she was feeling, only how “her grandbaby” was doing. When complications led to an early induction, the MIL even asked if they could push it back so it wouldn’t fall on Christmas week.
The labor and delivery were traumatic. The woman, needing emotional support, called her grandmother, who stayed for the delivery. When the MIL arrived at the hospital, she refused to speak to the new mom or her grandmother and later left the room in tears, upset that she wasn’t called first. She made it clear her feelings were hurt and overshadowed the woman’s struggles during labor.
The next day, while the doctor was discussing the mother’s low iron and hemoglobin levels, the MIL dismissed it, saying her own levels were worse and she was “just fine.” This fit a pattern, as the MIL often claims to have ailments or conditions whenever anyone else is unwell, from thyroid cancer to anemia to now breast cancer.
The final straw came when they returned home. A flower delivery arrived, and the new mom was excited, thinking someone sent her flowers after her traumatic labor. But the flowers were addressed only to the newborn and her husband. The card read: “Welcome to the world my sweet grand! Can’t wait to spoil you.” Feeling excluded and dismissed, the woman threw the flowers away, overwhelmed with hurt and anger. Her husband tried to console her, saying it wasn’t intentional, but she disagreed and wanted him to address it directly with his mom.
The woman feels her husband, though supportive, is too passive and hesitant to confront his mother properly. She wants him to call out his MIL’s behavior, but she’s questioning whether her reaction to the flowers is overly emotional, especially with her postpartum hormones.
You are absolutely not overreacting. The flowers were clearly meant to exclude you and make a statement. Your MIL’s behavior has been consistently dismissive and selfish, and this is just another example. It’s your husband’s job to set boundaries and call out this behavior. You deserve support, not to feel disrespected in your own home.
I agree. Your MIL sounds jealous and insecure, and she’s taking it out on you in a passive-aggressive way. Your husband might be a people pleaser, but he needs to step up and have a firm conversation with her. You just gave birth, this is your time to rest and heal, not deal with her nonsense.
The story highlights the difficulty of navigating toxic family dynamics, especially during such a vulnerable time. Many readers emphasized the importance of boundaries and the husband’s role in supporting his wife while addressing his mother’s behavior.