My fiancée (30F) and I (33M) have been together for four years and engaged for one. Early in our relationship, she told me she was infertile due to a medical condition she had in her teens. I was fine with this, as I have never really wanted biological kids and figured we could explore adoption if we ever changed our minds.
Fast forward to last week. I came home to a positive pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter. At first, I thought she might have been helping a friend, but when I confronted her, she broke down and admitted she’s not infertile. She never was. Apparently, she lied because she thought I’d leave her if I knew she could have kids, since she knew I didn’t want them.
Here’s the kicker. she says she stopped taking birth control “a few months ago” without telling me because she wanted to see if I’d change my mind about fatherhood if it “just happened.”
I was furious and told her this was a massive betrayal. I feel like my trust in her is shattered. She argued that she did it because she loves me and wanted us to have a deeper connection through a family. I told her I needed space and asked her to leave the house.
Now she’s staying with her sister and texting me nonstop, saying I’m overreacting and being cruel by “kicking out the mother of my child.” Her family is also chiming in, calling me a deadbeat dad for “abandoning her” during pregnancy.
I’m struggling because I never wanted kids but now one is on the way, and I feel trapped. At the same time, I can’t get over the fact that she lied to me for years and manipulated me into this situation.
AITA for asking her to leave, or am I justified in needing time to process this betrayal?
NTA. Cancel the engagement, show her the door and get a lawyer.
Very important, as this was reproductive coercion and abuse.
Additionally, if OP has any text messages from her regarding this situation (or if you can get her to admit what she’s done via text), save all texts! They are evidence.
Came to say this! Do not end communication until you have proof of her trapping you for when she has the baby & tries to force financial support. Cease contact after evidence is collected.
Best to get it in video/verbal form though, in some states texts are thrown out because “anyone could have sent it.” From my experience, delete the contact name so only the number shows, and ensure timestamps are visible.
The core issue is a significant breach of trust. Your fiancée lied about her infertility and secretly stopped taking birth control, manipulating a life-changing decision. This is a serious violation of consent, regardless of her reasons or emotional motivations.