I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer—without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign.
The problem? I had no clue they’d do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: “You have the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because “you’ve got the money.”
If I co-sign, I’ll be on the hook if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they’ll see I’m already tied to another loan. But my parents say I’m “selfish” and “forgetting family values.” My sister’s calling me a monster for leaving her “stranded,” and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don’t help right now.
Some relatives think it’s insane. My parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place?
EDIT: I’m actually adopted lmao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they’d been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them—she was their “miracle baby.” Ever since, it’s felt like my role in the family became “the older, adopted one,” while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister.
I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the “fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I’m actually building my own life—saving for a house, focusing on my career—I’m realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I’ll always bail them (or my sister) out. I love them, but I can’t keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority.
So thank you all for the wake up call. Update to come.
TOP COMMENT
Absolutely do not co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your mom not pay for the wedding. If she’s threatening now, she will again. In the end, she probably won’t. But that’s not the main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours.
REPLY
Yep, same with me. My sister barely graduated high school and worked various low-wage jobs. She also ended up having 3 kids that she couldn’t afford. I went to college and got a degree. Guess which one of us my parents bought a house and a car for?
RESPONCE
Oh listen. My in-laws’ youngest left home and school at 16, has NEVER had a job, and had two great husbands who she treated like dirt. Her mother totally supports her. Bought her a home, has had a deck added and the entire property is fenced because wild boars might destroy her perfect garden she works so hard on. The kicker is she’s 69 years old. It is sickening, especially considering she’s able to hike and paddleboard and all kinds of physical stuff but can’t work for a living. Btw, she lives in one of the most expensive locations on earth, all thanks to her parents’ sensible financial management. Meanwhile, their son/my husband worked nonstop from delivering papers as a boy to his tech career four days before his death. I will never understand how parents can treat children so differently.
