I work at a restaurant as a server. One of my coworkers moved up here from Georgia for college and started working here a few months ago.
She constantly lays on the “southern charm” thing thick. She calls everyone “honey” and “sweetie” and all of that. She also tends to chitchat with people instead of just letting them eat after bringing them their food or drinks. It’s also kind of obvious that a lot of them don’t want to really talk to her; they give one-word answers and she just barrels forward and talks at them. Management has told her off more than once for this.
About two weeks ago she was upset because a customer yelled at her and said, “Don’t call me that!” when she called her “honey,” and she complains that she’s not getting as many tips as the other servers. She says it’s because she has a southern accent and customers think she’s stupid, but I don’t think that’s the case.
She asked me for advice, and I said it’s because she takes so long to bring things out and wastes time trying to make small talk. I also said that the excessive pet names sound kind of condescending, and they aren’t really something you would call a stranger here.
She told me that she wasn’t going to start being rude to customers because she would make even less money. I told her it’s not being rude; it’s just how things work here, and it’s rude to other customers she’s supposed to be serving when she spends all her time trying to make small talk instead of doing her job and calling them weird things.
Now she’s mad and has been avoiding me. Maybe I could have been gentler when trying to explain why people complain about her, but I was also really stressed because it’s Christmas season and so much is going on AITA?
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I might be the asshole because I was really blunt and told her she was rude. We’re both stressed out because of Christmas and it’s probably worse for her because she’s new here and doesn’t have many friends in this state.
TOP COMMENT
Read the room. And major differences between the Southeast and elsewhere for this. She needs to adapt instead of expecting her customers to adapt. NTA and her problem if she can’t take the constructive criticism she asked for.
REPLY
This. I’m from Southern Appalachia and lived in DC for almost a decade. I code switched so hard because what’s rude one place is polite in the other.
I will say that pet names from servers annoy the shit out of me regardless of where I am unless they’re giving strong “auntie” or “grandma” vibes. These vibes are somewhat gender neutral, but it’s the best way I can explain it quickly. “Hon”/”hun” tends to be fine when it’s used the same way you’d use sir or ma’am.
RESPONCE
If you are in the Northeast, esp. NY or New England, she really needs to listen to you because, yeah, we hate small talk! Her tips are only going to get worse.
NTA, she should listen to you, who actually knows how people are around wherever you are. You’re just trying to help.