I have a hysterectomy scheduled for mid-April and one of the critical things my doctor emphasized is that I won’t be able to bend over or squat for at least a week or two during recovery.
This presents a big problem because my husband and I have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor since August. To make matters worse the mattress is completely caved in on all four sides making it nearly impossible to get up from without straining.
When I got the call confirming my surgery date I told my husband that as soon as our tax return comes in we need to invest in a proper bed and frame. There’s no way I’ll be able to manage sleeping on the floor post-surgery.
I also mentioned that I’d need a wedge pillow for sitting up and a compression band for my abdomen as recommended by my doctor to ensure proper recovery.
His response was anger. He blamed me for our financial struggles accusing me of being the reason we can’t save money because I “always find something to spend it on.” When he started ranting I cut him off calmly stating “I really don’t care if you’re upset about this. We need the bed and I need the compression band for my recovery.”
He escalated the argument by calling me selfish and saying he’d take my debit card to prevent me from making any purchases. That wouldn’t work even if he tried because I have my card details memorized.
For context we live with my father right now because I lost my job due to the debilitating pain I’ve been dealing with. I don’t have a spending problem as he claims. Most of my spending goes toward essentials for our kids like clothes for our growing toddler shoes for our active boys and necessities for my 14-year-old stepdaughter. The only time I treat myself is with gift cards I receive for my birthday or Christmas.
Meanwhile my husband spends money regularly on things like beer ($25 every chance he gets) concerts and bars with his brother and friends. I don’t go out anymore because of my pain and the few times I’ve spent money recently were out of necessity like grabbing a comfort meal when my stepdaughter went to a mental health facility or getting takeout on a day when I was in too much pain to cook.
I used to spend more on lunches when I was working but once I lost my job I stopped indulging in non-essentials. Despite this he continues to shift the blame onto me even though he spends more frivolously than I do.
I’m at my wit’s end trying to navigate this situation. Asking for a new bed and recovery necessities isn’t extravagant it’s essential for my health and well-being. Yet I’m being made to feel like I’m asking for something unreasonable.