I read a story on Reddit about someone (26F) dealing with gift-giving expectations from their family. The person explained that growing up in a Vietnamese household, they never celebrated birthdays or holidays. Presents weren’t part of the equation, though they did receive red envelope money during Chinese New Year. However, their parents would take the money, saying it would be returned when they were older but they never saw it again.

Now as an adult, they’ve been with their fiancé for five years and have embraced his family’s traditions of celebrating events and exchanging gifts. Inspired by this, they started buying gifts for their parents on birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s. Yet, the gifts were always one-sided; the parents never reciprocated. Instead, they expected gifts and even questioned the writer when no gifts were given, claiming, “It’s gifting season.”

When the writer asked why they never received gifts in return, their parents dismissed the idea, saying, “We’re your parents. We raised you.”

This year, facing financial struggles, the writer told their parents they couldn’t afford to buy anything. The parents became upset, insisting that both the writer and their partner should still get them something. Now, they’re wondering if it’s wrong to stop giving gifts altogether since the relationship feels so one-sided.

“Give them an empty red envelope, tell ‘em you’ll give it when they are older!”

“Small refinement. Every red-envelope event, hand them an empty one, but estimate how much you would have received for that event, starting when you were a baby. ‘This is for my first birthday. That was a big event. I’m gonna say $500. With interest, that’s $750 that you kept. You’re welcome.’”

This story is a reminder of how cultural expectations and family dynamics can create complex emotions around gift-giving. What do you think? Should the writer stop giving gifts entirely or find a way to set boundaries while honoring their values?