This story sheds light on the frustrating double standard faced by people who choose not to drink for personal reasons, compared to the understanding and respect often extended to recovering addicts.
The writer, a 29-year-old woman, has never been much of a drinker. In college, she would sip on a beer or mixed drink, mostly to have something in her hand while playing the role of the “mom friend,” ensuring her friends had fun and got home safely. She’s never been drunk to the point of blacking out or vomiting, simply because she doesn’t enjoy the way alcohol makes her feel. For her, the dizziness and loss of control trigger anxiety, making drinking an unpleasant experience.
Recently, she’s started ordering mocktails or declining drinks altogether, especially since a medication she takes makes alcohol unsafe. However, she’s found that her choice to abstain often draws unwanted attention. At a recent gathering, one of her boyfriend’s friends noticed she wasn’t drinking and asked why. When she casually said, “I’m just not in the mood,” he spent several minutes taunting her with, “Are you in the mood yet? How about now? Are you in the mood yet?” Frustrated, she ordered a mocktail just to shut him up.
This kind of treatment isn’t new to her, it’s something she’s experienced her entire life. But what really stings is the stark contrast she’s observed in how others are treated. Her boyfriend’s family recently welcomed a new girlfriend who is a recovering alcoholic. At gatherings, nobody questions her decision to abstain from drinking. The family even goes out of their way to stock non-alcoholic beverages to make her feel included. Meanwhile, the writer, who consistently declines alcohol, is repeatedly offered drinks and subjected to unnecessary scrutiny.
The writer doesn’t feel the need to explain her choice to abstain, believing that her reasons shouldn’t matter. But it’s a deeply personal decision influenced by a family tragedy: her mother’s 21-year-old sister was killed by a drunk driver before the writer was born. The story of that loss and its impact on her family has always weighed heavily on her heart. Growing up in a family that rarely drank, her aversion to alcohol feels natural to her.
While she respects and supports the understanding shown to recovering addicts, she can’t help but feel frustrated that her choice to simply not drink isn’t afforded the same respect. All she wants is for her decision to be accepted without question, just like anyone else’s.
The writer’s feelings are entirely valid. It’s frustrating and exhausting to have a personal choice constantly scrutinized while others’ decisions are respected without question. This double standard highlights a broader cultural issue: while we’ve made strides in respecting sobriety due to addiction, there’s still a tendency to challenge or mock those who choose not to drink for other reasons. Her decision deserves the same understanding and acceptance, whether she explains it or not.