My (28F) brother (30M) and his wife (27F) had their first baby a year ago. I’ve been helping them out by babysitting for free a couple of days a week since they can’t afford daycare, and I work from home. I genuinely love my niece, and I was happy to help out at first.
However, my SIL has always been kind of cold to me, and since I started babysitting, it’s only gotten worse. She criticizes everything I do, from how I change diapers to what snacks I give the baby. She sends long texts with “instructions” every single time, as if I’m not familiar with a baby I’ve been caring for two days a week for a year. Once, I gave my niece a bath because she had a massive diaper blowout, and my SIL freaked out because I “didn’t follow her specific method.”
The breaking point came last week when I was babysitting, and SIL came home early. She didn’t even say hi, just started picking apart what I was doing. I finally snapped and told her that if she doesn’t trust me, she should just find someone else to watch the baby. She told me I was being dramatic and that I “owe it to family.” When I told my brother, he said I should let it go because SIL is under a lot of stress.
I told them I’m done babysitting unless something changes. Now, my brother is upset, SIL isn’t speaking to me, and my parents think I’m being selfish. I feel bad for leaving my brother in a tough spot, but I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of. AITAH?
Context
For context, my SIL and I have never been super close, but we were fine before the baby came along. I do understand that being a new mom is stressful, and I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve even gone out of my way to ask her how she wants things done, but it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never good enough.
I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve babysat other kids before and I’m pretty confident I know how to take care of a baby safely. I feel like I’ve been trying my best, but it’s exhausting to constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I just wanted to add that I didn’t stop babysitting out of nowhere—I told my brother and SIL a couple of weeks ago that I couldn’t keep doing it if things didn’t improve, but they didn’t seem to take me seriously. I really don’t want to cause drama in the family, but I’m at my wits’ end.
TOP COMMENT
NTA. You’ve been helping out of kindness, and your SIL’s constant criticism and lack of appreciation is unreasonable. It’s not okay for her to treat you like you’re incompetent, especially when you’ve been doing this for a year. Your brother should support you, not brush off your valid concerns. You’re not being selfish by setting boundaries. If your SIL’s stress is causing her to lash out, that’s her issue to handle, not yours. It’s understandable to step back if it’s taking a toll on your well-being.
REPLY
think it’s time OP stops helping.
Let SIL realize what she’s missing & apologize.
RESPONCE
NTA. And tell her you don’t owe her shit. You enjoy watching your niece and helping your brother out, but her temper tantrums are why you’re no longer helping.
You’re not being selfish. She’s being a demeaning asshole. The kid is fed and still alive. So what if you didn’t wash the kids hair before their body.
You not watching the child is a consequence of HER actions. Let her pay someone else. Bc they’ll discontinue services too if she does that to them.
